Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's top comedians devoted the evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The subject was the new program that enables foreign individuals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" option for $5 million. The program's page guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"One note here to rich foreigners: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.